Final Reflective Paper

Final Reflective Letter
Jon Headlee

Without a doubt, this course has been the most challenging in my brief college career. Even though I am technically a first year student, my work in high school has allowed me to skip ahead of the typical path. The journey through this semester has been wild to say the least. I began this course with hardly any ideas, and by the time the course was over, I could hardly figure out how to contain my ideas within the allotted space. Despite the hardships I faced writing this paper, I can definitely say that taking this course was worth my while.

My paper began as a search for why Star Wars has become so popular, but I quickly found out that the topic was too little in scope or importance to be of any use. I was also afraid of coming up with just a regurgitated report, rather than an informative research paper. So, I changed directions and analyzed myth, specifically the hero myth. Researching the hero myth, I found out that the hero myth was the base myth for the occult. I was also heavily influenced by Joseph Campbell’s essay, “The Occult in Myth and Literature”. Through my research on hero myths and the occult, I started making connections between the power of the hero myth within sci-fi films, like Star Wars, the Matrix, and Donnie Darko. These connections led me to my next thesis, “the return of the hero in sci-fi cult films”.

Unfortunately, this thesis, while interesting, was too broad, so I eventually narrowed it down to the return of the hero in Star Wars. This still, however, was not satisfying, and I began to intensify my research in the vast amount of occult-related material. It was here that I discovered Gnosticism, and came across a very important website, “The Occult Investigator”. The introduction of Gnosticism radically changed my viewpoints on many different topics, including my own personal religious beliefs. Though painful at first, I began to understand more and more about the occult and the mistruths (or flat out lies) of my Christian heritage. Tim Boucher’s website was very helpful in giving me a basis and educated viewpoint on various occult-related topics. Reading many of Boucher’s articles allowed me to make further connections, connections which would expand my ideas greatly.

The increased knowledge and philosophical thought that I researched and logically deduced came with a heavy price. Since I was doing most of my occult research for my English paper, the connections I was making were all being related to my topic. Thus, my topic quickly grew out of control. When I finally decided to sit down and write out my ideas, it took me nearly two weeks. After writing over 50 pages of material, I forced myself to stop, but the damage was already done. My paper had become too long, had consumed too much of my time, and I missed the opportunity to participate in the large group workshop, which made revision very, very difficult. I was also caught emotionally. I wanted to get all of my new thoughts and ideas (some of them very, very radical) out onto paper, but it was impossible to do so in any short fashion. I eventually came to a compromise. I decided to focus my paper on one aspect of my growing philosophy, and then spend the summer writing a book (an idea I plan to follow through with).

This focused attempt led me to my current paper. The paper, however has consumed my time, a fact that has cost me quite a few hours of good sleep. Despite the loss of sleep, I never hated writing it. I love philosophy. The only thing I disliked was page limits placed upon the assignment. Without any limits, my paper would have become a 400 page philosophical dissertation. Nevertheless, this course and my paper have been worth my time and effort.
I’m glad I took this course, despite the fact that it swallowed my time and forced me to drop another course. I have learned a great deal in a short amount of time, and I have discovered an area of research that I truly love. I actually enjoyed spend late nights (or all-nighters) in the library reading and researching. This course has truly allowed me to find what I enjoy most.

Despite not being able to participate in the group workshops, there were quite a few influences on my paper. Sally, for one, was a huge help in focusing me on various aspects throughout the entire semester. Without her, I probably would have written an unsatisfying report on nothing. Instead, her prodding and questioning showed me various ways to think outside the proverbial box. It was those initial pokes and prods that launched me on my present course. My small group members also impacted the outcome of my paper. If it hadn’t been for them, I might have never considered writing about Star Wars. Instead, I probably would have written about drug legalization or some similar used and abused topic. Lastly, my mother has had a pretty significant impact on my paper. It was her philosophical questioning that stimulated new ides in my mind (even if she didn’t agree with them). She also supported me and recommended that I write a philosophical manifesto of sorts, which was encouraging considering the fact that she is a published historical fiction author.

I also recognize that there were some downsides to this course, or at least my completion of it. I did not fully learn how to exert control over my paper, and I am willing to bet that there are errors in the way my paper is constructed. I understand these limitations. In spite of these limitations, I feel that I gained enough control to lead the reader through my ideas. I also feel that my ideas have much more power than any amount of control. As such, I merely tried to guide the raging bull, the rampant flow of ideas, the endless stream of consciousness, instead of trying to completely control them. Did I succeed? I think so, but I also understand that decision ultimately lies in the minds of my readers.

Overall, this semester, and specifically, this course, has been one wild ride after another. In the end, though, I feel confident that I will arrive safely to my desired destination, publication. It may take more than just this summer to do all the necessary writing and research, but if this course has taught me anything, it would have to be patience. Patience is definitely a virtue. I’m confident that I’ll be able to put together a compelling series of essays (or one massive idea) to fill a book. I’m also confident that my ideas will get published, eventually. My hope is that my ideas, the ideas created through this course, will one day change the world, for the better.




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